One Year Ago

One year ago today, my then 3 year old baby woke up.  It was a Tuesday morning. We had (and still have) a morning ritual.  He would get on the couch, I would cover him up with his blanket, and then I would fix his coffee milk.  As I was tucking him under his blanket, I looked at him and said, "Your eye is swollen for some reason." It was so faintly swollen that no one, not even my husband, noticed.  I think that later on in the day, when I told Lance, he thought that I had surely lost my mind.

We went on about our day as planned.  Wyatt was attending a camp all week from 8-5, so Reid and I were playing together all week.  Tuesday we went to a friend's house to play with her 3 girls.  She told me later on that she never noticed that his eye was swollen even a tad. Mother's intuition is definitely a TRUE thing! After we left my friend's house, we went to Chick fil A on Millerville.  Reid LOVED to go to Chick fil A.  Little did I know, it would be the last time he would be able to go to Chick fil A for a VERY long time.  As a matter of fact, we still haven't been to one a year later. He played at Chick fil A for about 1 1/2 hours.  I found a table right by the glass of the indoor play area, and he played to his little heart's content.  I texted my friend and told her that we were STILL at Chick fil A after we had left her house 2 hours before.  We both laughed at how I should bring him to play there more often! Throughout the day, I asked a few friends if their child had ever had a swollen eyelid.  Some said yes, and all agreed it was likely an allergy. I started giving him Benadryl.

The next day Reid and I went to the library.  I had talked to a friend of mine who uses the same pediatrician as we do.  We both agreed that I should call Dr. West the next day if his eye wasn't any better. Ironically, I saw my pediatrician at the library with her sons.  She looked at Reid's eye and agreed that she thought it was an allergy.  She told me to continue to give him Benadryl, and she said if he hadn't improved by the following Monday to bring him in for a visit.  I said these very words, "I was just worried that it could be something serious." What in the world would make me say that? Once again, it was swollen so slightly that no one would notice it but me. My pediatrician said the worst thing it could possibly be was a cataract.  So, we went on about our day having fun, but I couldn't shake the worry.  Again, Lance thought I was crazy!

 

The story continues that I brought him to see Dr. West on July 3.  By then, Reid's eye was noticeably more swollen.  Dr. West brought up the word tumor referring to a brain tumor. Wyatt was with us at the appointment.  I scared him to death because I literally almost fainted.  I had to lie down on the table to keep from fainting.  Dr. West said that she was going to call an ophthalmologist to get us in that day.  She wanted the eye doctor to look behind the eye to make sure that nothing was pressing on the optic nerve. Dr. West made the appointment for later that afternoon.  I finally gained my composure enough to be able to drive.  I immediately called Lance and told him to come home and meet me immediately.  My mother in law came to pick Wyatt up, and Lance and I drove to Baton Rouge to the ophthalmologist's office.  The eye doctor thoroughly examined Reid's eyes.  His vision was 20/20 in both eyes, and she saw nothing concerning behind his eye.  I breathed the HUGEST sigh of relief ever.  She gave us some ointment to put in his eye and told us to come back in 3 weeks. Looking back now, I wonder how she missed it! I have no love loss for her. She saw Reid once again the day that we were admitted to OLOL. To say that I don't care for her is an understatement.

 

As the next 2 weeks progressed, Reid's eye started swelling more and more. I spoke to my pediatrician on the phone after about 1 more week. We also had spoken to someone at OLOL, and we had an MRI scheduled for some time in July. After one more week of not being able to eat or sleep, I took Reid back to Dr. West on July 17.  I had kept my friend's son that day so that he and Reid could play together.  She knew the anguish that I was going through with worrying so much that something was wrong.  When my friend came to pick up her son on that July 17 afternoon, I asked her what she thought.  She could have sugar coated it and told me what I wanted to hear.  But instead, she was honest with me, and she told me that she thought it looked like it was bulging.  Those words caused me to get on the phone with Dr. West's office. It was no coincidence that Dr. West had a 2:30 appointment available.  It was about 1:45 when I called. I called Lanced and told him to meet us there. Still at this point, Lance believed it was an infection or something minor. When Dr. West walked in, I saw on her face that she was very concerned.  I have been using her since Wyatt was 2, and she has never had that look on her face.  She did a few little exams of Reid's eyes, and she told Lance and me that she was calling OLOL to get us admitted so that we could have an MRI first thing the next morning.

Well, the rest is history. The next morning, Reid had the MRI. A few hours later we met Dr. Emma Jones who is Reid's Baton Rouge oncologist.  We love her.  She has the best bedside manner of any doctor that I have ever met. She is a tiny thing, but she is so full of intelligence, wisdom and compassion. Sadly, she is moving to Boston. She is going to work with palliative care patients in Boston.  She said that it is always something that she has wanted to do.  Palliative care deals mostly with end of life patients as well as patients who have a major life change (such as amputation, etc.) I can't think of anyone better suited to work in this field than her. She helped us so tremendously through all of this last year.  I will forever be grateful for Dr. Jones.

On Thursday, July 26, we arrived in Memphis. This day will go down in history as one of the worst days of my life.  Everyone was wearing their I HEART St. Jude shirts, and I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I still don't want a shirt that says I HEART St. Jude.  I love the work of St. Jude, but no place such as St. Jude should ever have to exist. But I DO love the life saving mission of the hospital. We met with Reid's Memphis oncologist on Thursday afternoon. Dr. Mark Hatley is a great doctor.  He has a combined PhD and MD. He is so smart, but he is a very compassionate doctor as well.

On Friday, July 27, we met the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Krasin. I love Dr. Krasin! He loves the kids that he works with, and it shows.  He has laughed with us and cried with us.  He is an exceptional human being.

 

Both of these doctors were so very optimistic for Reid.  His original diagnosis was Rhabdomyosarcoma. Orbital rhabdo is very curable.  My biggest worry at the time was that Reid's vision in his left eye would be compromised in some way.  Little did I know what that afternoon would hold.  Late in the afternoon, a nurse told us that Dr. Hatley, our oncologist wanted to see us again.  He dropped the bomb on us that the diagnosis of rhabdomyosarcoma could not be confirmed under the microscope.  Lance and I were dumbfounded.  We weren't sure of what that meant.  What Dr. Hatley didn't come out and say was that they were 100% sure that it WAS NOT rhabdo. The rest of the weekend we put on a happy face for Reid even though we were dying on the inside.  We must have spent 12 of 24 hours of Saturday and Sunday on our phones googling what it could possibly be. We took Reid to the Memphis Zoo and the Children's Museum.  I don't really know how we made it through the weekend. What we didn't realize was that the next 5 days would be the most excruciating days of waiting that we ever endured.  And all the while, Reid's eye was worsening to a horrible extent while we waited.  A full week later, on Friday, August 3, Dr. Hatley told us the horrific news that the diagnosis was Spindle Cell Sarcoma. And Reid's tumor was EXTREMELY aggressive. They categorize tumors in stages (his was Stage 2) as well as by how fast the cells are dividing, etc.  Reid's was a grade 4+. This finding explained the drastic change in Reid's eye over the week we were waiting at St. Jude. He also told us the news that Reid's eye would have to be removed.  I remember exactly what I was doing.  I was looking at the floor, and I half way heard what he said.  I looked up and said, "What?" I totally didn't get what he was saying.  And I lived in a magical world of denial for the next 3 months!

 

We were then told that we were being admitted for Reid to start chemo. Two things that we have learned about St. Jude is a) they don't waste a second of time waiting for anything b) things can change in a New York minute.  We did not know that Reid would be starting chemo that Friday evening, but just that fast we went upstairs to the hospital room, and our baby was hooked up to an IV filled with poison to kill this monster. I have blocked out much of this week which brought me to my knees and put me flat on my back on many occasions. I lost a tremendous amount of weight from July to October of last year.  I simply could not eat.  I felt sick to my stomach at the sight of food. However, if you have seen me lately, you know that I have gained it all back:) LOL! We were in the hospital for Reid's first round of chemo until Tuesday, August 7. We packed up the car and drove him just in time for me to bring Wyatt to his open house at school.  Wyatt started school his first day of 5th grade the very next day.

 

At some point in the journey we met Dr. Wilson, the eye surgeon. His bedside manner is a little rusty, so we definitely started out on the wrong foot. Lance and I looked him up on U.S. News and World Report's Top 100 doctors list.  He is listed as the top 1% of eye surgeons in the United States. If your child has to have such a horrendous surgery, it helps to have one of the top surgeons in the country perform the surgery.  I don't have a pic of Dr. Wilson, but he works with a nurse practitioner named Tracy that we ALL love! She texts me out of the blue all of the time to tell me that she is thinking of us. She is a treasure!

 



 Seeing these pictures of Reid with no hair makes me so sad.  To think about what we have walked through, we wonder how we made it.  I say sometimes that I am still alive, and that is about all I can say. Lance and I are changed forever. Some in good ways, and some in bad ways. We have our house up for sale. Yesterday a couple came to look at our house for the second time.  I have taken most of my pictures down because that's what HGTV says to do:) Anyway, yesterday I was thinking that people walk through our house and think these people are blessed...they have a beautiful home with beautiful kids. Both of those things are true, but these people have NO IDEA that we have walked through HELL for the last 12 months.  Isn't that true of everyone? We look at people on the outside and judge them by the clothes they wear, the house they live in, and the car they drive.  Yet we have no clue what is going in underneath all of that. May we show grace to everyone that we meet, because we have no idea what battles they are fighting.

 

Our fight with Reid is far from over.  We go back to St. Jude on August 14th for his next set of post treatment scans. Please begin praying again that our precious son's battle with this ferocious monster is over for good.  Pray that he will live a long and healthy life from this point on.  He is SO FULL of life.  We just returned from Reid's Make a Wish trip.  We went on a Disney Cruise.  It was a fabulous five days of forgetting all of the bad that we have been through. Reid is so brave.  He handles other children's questions with grace and strength.  Lance and I were watching Wyatt and him in the hot tub on our last day on the cruise.  A young girl asked Reid what happened to his eye.  He never misses a beat. Our answer to all children is, "He had surgery".  Most children can grasp that concept.  It's easier than saying he had cancer.  Most young children can't understand what that means. We asked Reid after the interaction with the little girl, "What did you tell the little girl that asked you about your eye?" We couldn't hear him when the actual interaction took place.  He answered, "I told her I had surgery."

 

Yes, you did sweet boy.  You have been through more than any person should ever have to endure.  And you faced it all with the bravery of a grown man.  You never asked why, you never cried or complained (except when they were accessing your port), and you never acted sick.  Your dad and I witnessed a miracle in you on the day that you were born.  And we have witnessed a miracle in you every day over the last year. We are blessed to be your parents.  You have taught us so much. We will never stop crying out to God for your life.

 

We will never stop praying for you and all of the other children we have met who have fought their own battles very bravely as well.  We will never stop praying for the families we have met who have lost their children.  About 2 months ago, 3 children that we have met personally lost their battles.  This fact is the hardest pill to swallow.  Babies die at St. Jude every day.  But they never stop trying to find answers and heal these precious children of this hideous disease.

 

When we were at St. Jude for Reid's second surgery in February, I was standing at our door looking out into the halls of the hospital. I told Lance that the sights you see at St. Jude reminded me of a military hospital, except these children never signed up for this. Lance and I are participating in the St. Jude marathon in December. One of the moms that I have met on FB ran in it last year.  She has a picture of herself on Facebook on race day.  She wrote on her arm the words "my child never trained for cancer". Truer words have never been written. If I pass out trying to cross the finish line of the 1/2 marathon on December 7, I will have in my mind that any pain or fatigue that I feel is nothing in comparison to what my child has endured.  And he did it all with no training and with no complaints.

 

Our hero

"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,  and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:8-14

St. Jude/Memphis Photo Dump - Part 1

First off, Reid is doing FANTASTIC (as his St. Jude oncologist likes to say)! He turned 4 on March 23.  Easter was this past Sunday.  He went to church for only the second time since all of our life was turned upside down. He sat with us in "big" church, and he was such a big boy.

I finally cleaned all of the pictures off of my iPhone a few days ago.  I had several St. Jude pictures that I have never shared.

Our view after Reid's surgery in October. They put us in ICU because there were no regular rooms available. In case anyone is not familiar with those little blue bags, they are barf bags.  Reid threw up more after his surgeries than all of his chemos combined.  Narcotics are not his friend!

 

Reid's surgery was October 26.  I noticed a slight red bump on my arm that turned into this a couple of days later.  The SJ ICU nurses freaked out and told me to go to ER.  No thank you! Lance called his friend who prescribed me some antibiotics. (Lance was concerned that I was going to keel over! LOL!)

 

Memphis Grizzlies mascot.

Eating dinner at the Grizzlies House.  Volunteers provide meals to the families staying there usually twice per week.

Halloween at St. Jude.  The BIGGEST party ever!  Keep in mind this is 5 days after Reid's major surgery!

The Memphis Botanic Gardens--one of the most beautiful places that I have ever been.

 

I love this red bridge!

This picture was taken within a week of his surgery.  He is unstoppable!





Memphis Tigers are found all over Memphis in various places.

 

My parents brought Wyatt the first weekend in November.  This photo was taken at the Memphis Zoo. My dad reluctantly agreed to get a scooter.  Wyatt and Reid thought it was a toy!

Row, row, row your boat!

Sweet brothers!

Graceland...I was surprised how small it is!

Wyatt was following along with the guided tour.  I was shocked that he actually enjoyed it!

My mom's name is Doris.  (not the most common name) She is a huge Elvis fan.  When I saw this coffee mug, I knew I had to buy it for her.  I bought it when she wasn't looking.  I gave it to her in the car after we left Graceland.  She was so excited!

His favorite toy in this particular waiting area.  My, oh my!

 

A very sweet gift from our very sweet dentist, Dr. Hunt.

Jenna Bush was there filming with Marlo Thomas.  She is the cutest and sweetest young lady.

 

No Mo Bandage Changes

On October 26, 2012, Reid had the devastating surgery that removed his eye and everything surrounding it.  Previous to the surgery, his eye doctor at St. Jude told us that wound care was the most important thing.  He told us that it would take 6 months for the wound to heal.  He said that if we had to live in Memphis, then that would be what would happen.  This news was devastating.  There was no way that we could leave Wyatt behind at home for 6 months. 

 

After the surgery we were in Memphis for 2 weeks and 2 days.  For some people that have lived there for months on end, that sounds like a dream.  But for us is was devastatingly long.  Luckily, my parents were able to bring Wyatt for 4 days in the middle of that stay.  Thankfully, we are surrounded by caring doctors and nurses at St. Jude who understand the family that we leave behind at home is just as important as the family we have at St. Jude. They worked diligently to allow us to come back to Baton Rouge and have the bandage changes done at Our Lady of the Lake. Two nurses have been our sweetest angels here in Baton Rouge. We owe them a debt of gratitude for "squeezing" Reid in, and for coming into work earlier than normal in order for us to be at home.

Mrs. Lori--Reid's sedation nurse

Mrs. Shawn--One of Reid's oncology nurses
who did his bandage changes

 

Reid had his surgery on a Friday.  The very next Monday began the every other day bandage changes that have now lasted almost 4 months.  Around Christmas time, we were about to drop down to every Monday/Thursday, but Reid had some "after radiation" issues, and we had to go back to every Monday/Wednesday/Friday.  There were days that I couldn't face having to take him to OLOL again.  It was almost more than I could handle sometimes. All that I could think about was that he should be at school playing with his friends, and instead I am having to take him to the hospital to be sedated over and over again.

 

Yesterday was his last bandage change.  We are travelling to St. Jude on Tuesday (2/12) which just happens to be Mardi Gras and our anniversary.  On Wednesday (2/13), Reid will have his first "post treatment" scans.  He will be having an MRI at 8:30 a.m.  Please be praying for this scan to be clear. Reid will have surgery on Friday (2/15) at 7:30 a.m.  I will spare all of the details, but once this surgery is complete, we will have no need for the previous bandage changes. Please be in prayer for the surgery to go well.  Please pray for Lance and me as we are separated from him for the MRI on Wednesday and the surgery on Friday.  Pray that God will fill us with the peace that passes all understanding.  Pray for grace above all things.  Pray that Reid is healed fully and completely.  Pray that we never walk this journey again.  Pray that these dark days are closed, and new doors are opened up for our family.  Sometimes the grief over what Reid has lost is so overwhelming that I can hardly breathe.  Pray that we leave St. Jude on Wednesday after his scans rejoicing over wonderfully good news! We covet your prayers for us over the next week.

 

"We wait in HOPE for the Lord;

He is our Help and our Shield." Psalm 33:20

 

We have basically been hermits for the last 6 months.  We were so worried about Reid's compromised immune system that we barely left the house.  We did go to the grandparents' houses a good bit, but other than that, we have been home bodies.  We have resurfaced lately.  Reid went to a birthday party today.  He had so much fun.  It felt good to be "somewhat normal" again.

 

Our friend/pastor/superman Mike Holmes and all of our super hero--Reid! The party was a super hero theme...it was so cute....all the kids (and adults) wore their super hero gear!

Super Brothers--Reid was done with my picture taking!

 

No Mo Chemo

 

Reid had his last chemo almost 3 weeks ago.  As a matter of fact, he would be starting chemo again today if we weren't finished.  On Monday, January 21st, he had his "No Mo Chemo" party at OLOL.  It worked out perfectly because Wyatt was out of school for MLK Day, so he was able to be there with us!

 

 

We have had several nurses at OLOL that we have absolutely loved! Derek and Sara are our favorites.  Derek is a hoot.  He often dresses up in costumes and comes to visit kids on his days off.  He has a heart for these kids.  Derek only works on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.  He was our nurse several times, and thankfully was with us for this final round of chemo.  We were so glad!  Reid loves Derek....he especially loves to shoot him with his toy guns.  Derek plays along.  He goes out to the nurses' station, and then he comes back bandaged up.  One time he actually bandaged himself like a mummy.  The last time he came in covered head to toe with band aids.  He made Reid belly laugh on several occasions!!! I am hoping that Derek rubbed off on one of my boys.  I would love for one of them to be a doctor or a nurse or something in the medical profession.

 

Our family and friends joined us for the No Mo Chemo Party on Monday.  We were beyond excited to get out of the hospital and get back home!

 

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Romans 12:15

 

See you later alligator! We pray we never grace the halls of this hospital again.  However, we have been blessed to be able to be home for several treatments.  There are MANY families that we have met at St. Jude who have LIVED there for a year or longer!  We are thankful for God's provisions to allow us to be home as much as we have been!

 

Victory Dance and Walk Outta Here!

 

Weary

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

To say that we are weary of this journey would be an understatement.  I especially feel weary tonight.  We are back at St. Jude after just being here last Sunday through Wednesday.  So we were home for 3 full days before we had to leave again.  I am weary of being away from home, I am weary of packing, I am weary of the 6 hour drive to Memphis, I am weary of leaving Wyatt behind, but most of all I am weary of the fact that my baby has been through so much.  I am sick of him being poked and prodded and put to sleep every other day. (literally)

We came here one week ago for him to have radiation simulation.  It is a procedure that they do to prepare for the actual radiation.  Most children have radiation for 6 weeks.  Reid is having something called brachytherapy.  If there is a silver lining, he will only have radiation for one week; however he will have it twice a day.  We received our schedule for tomorrow when we got here tonight.  We have to be at the hospital at 8:15 in the morning.  We are scheduled to get back to our hotel at 5:00 p.m.  Reid will be sedated twice a day for this whole week, and the kicker is that he can't eat until after the sedation.  This week is the week for him 2 weeks after chemo when his appetite comes back full swing.  So, now he won't get to eat until around 3:00 every afternoon.  I cannot imagine how this is going to work out.  Most of his sedations have been early morning, so we just tell him that he can eat or drink "in a little while".  But tomorrow when he wakes up from the first sedation, he will not be able to eat.  Please pray for this situation.  Pray that he will be okay, and that he won't be a total GRUMP and horrible to deal with between the first and second sedations.  Like I said, I am weary, and at times my patience is growing very thin.  Please pray for me to be patient.

Once the second sedation is complete on Friday, we will be admitted to the hospital for chemo #5!  It seems as if we just had chemo.  UGGH!  Weary once again at the thought of sleeping in the hospital for 3 nights.  Weary of Reid being hooked up to an IV for 4 full days.  Weary of the aftermath of chemo....no appetite, being in isolation at home for fear of others' germs, being anxious about him getting a fever and going into the hospital YET AGAIN.  Reid had his first chemo induced fever when we were here last Sunday night.  We went to the "medicine room" at St. Jude, and we were promptly admitted into the hospital.  We stayed there until Tuesday night.  We spent our Tuesday night back at the Grizzlies House, and then we left here on Wednesday morning at around 10:00. 

Here's a funny story about the Grizzlies House.  Memphis Grizzlies House is located on St. Jude's campus.  It is a short-term housing facility for St. Jude patients and their families who are undergoing treatment from one to seven days.  We have stayed here each and every time.  They have never moved us to the Ronald McDonald House except after Reid's surgery and only for 2 nights.  I was not a fan.  I just like it HERE at the Grizzlies House.  It is more like a hotel.  Ronald McDonald House reminds me of a dorm.  Anyway.....when you get here as a first-time patient you stay in a suite.  The suites have 2 separate rooms, a couch and 2 tvs.  We can be watching two separate tv shows at the same time, and we can be separated:)  SOMEHOW, we have gotten a suite two other times as well:  during the surgery stay, and TONIGHT we got another suite.  I don't know how it keeps happening, but I am so thankful!  It's the little things when you are WEARY, right?  (I have met a friend in Patient Services.  They set up patient families with rooms depending on the length of your stay.  Last week she told me we were going to Ronald McDonald House for this week's stay.  I begged her to let us stay here.  She called me later and told me we could stay at Grizzlies.  I then proceeded to buy her a gift card which I will be giving to her TOMORROW.  Maybe she is the little elf that keeps getting us the suites?!?!)

#6 chemo is scheduled to begin at OLOL on December 28.  There is another blessing in the fact that Reid will be feeling great for Christmas.  He is so excited about Christmas this year.  Friday night, he and Wyatt went to my mother-in-law's house for supper.  I came back home and decorated the tree with my friend.  Lance hid in our bedroom...LOL!  Lance went to go pick them up at around 9:00 p.m.  When they walked in the door and saw the tree they both had big smiles on their faces!  Saturday morning, another friend arranged for me to bring the boys to Parkview's Alumni breakfast with Santa before everyone else arrived.  My boys and I entered through the side door, and they took their pictures.  Then we left before the breakfast started.  I am so grateful that she thought of this for us.  God has blessed me with amazing friends!

Reid helped put on the final ornaments. He hung them all on the same branch!  LOL!

Because Reid went for 8 weeks with no chemo, his hair has started to grow back.  It looks like a VERY short buzz cut.  But it's there, and this momma knows how much she misses his hair now that I see it coming back.  But it is going to fall out again.  It took 2 1/2 weeks after the first chemo for it to fall out.  We are right at the 2 1/2 week mark after the last chemo.  So, I look for it to start falling out again any day.  Also, his eyelashes and eyebrows have fully grown back in.  Those will be falling out too.  Pray that I can deal with it again knowing that it will be back sooner rather than later.  His LAST chemo is scheduled for January 18th.  I don't know if that will be at home at OLOL or here at St. Jude. 

Please be in prayer for us this week:

1. Pray that FIRST AND FOREMOST Reid will live the rest of his days CANCER FREE.  Pray that this surgery, radiation and chemo will do what it is meant to do.  Pray that from this day forward, Reid will live a long and healthy life with no thought of CANCER every entering his mind again.
2. Pray that all three of us maintain our sanity with the twice a day sedations and no eating. 
3. Pray that the radiation goes well.
4. Pray that this weekend's chemo goes well and that Reid has minimal or no side effects (i.e. nausea/vomiting).
5. Pray for Reid's anxiety.  I have noticed he is getting more anxious as the months go by.  I contribute it to the fact that he is getting older and more aware of what is going on.  Pray that God will still his little heart with the peace that passes all understanding.
6. Pray that Reid DOES NOT get another fever after this chemo.  Pray we are able to stay at our house, in our beds from the time we get home this time until we go for the next chemo on December 28.

18 Years

18 years ago at this time, I had just met the man who would become my husband. We met at church in the College Sunday School Class at Parkview Baptist Church.  I knew Lance's roommate Charlie.  Charlie had invited Lance to Sunday School which was a HUGE class at the time.  I didn't meet him during Sunday School the first day he was there.  That afternoon my sister and I went to CORTANA mall (LOL), and he, Charlie and another guy from church were there.  We ran into them, and Charlie introduced my sister and me to Lance Kiger.  We walked away and I thought, "he's a cutie"!  I hadn't dated anyone for a LONG time, so I was FREE!  A couple of weeks later, Parkview had a retreat for the College group.  Lance was there, and we did a lot of talking and getting to know each other that weekend.  His version of the story is that I chased after him, but he (FOR REAL) chased after me.  He was riding bikes through the trails, and asked me to ride back with him.  I told him NO!  It cracks me up when I think of it.  I don't even know how he got that other bike back to the cabins.  I was going to graduate school at Tulane at the time.  He got my number (along with a lot of other peoples' numbers according to him), and he called me several times during the next weeks.  He said they were just "friendly" phone calls, but I beg to differ. I went on a cruise with my brother, sister-in-law, 2 nieces, Will and Kathy Rogers, and Kami Rogers Lambe the week of Thanksgiving.  I MISSED Lance so much.  These were the days before the hi tech cell phones we have now.  So, it was a whole week before I talked to him.  Right after I returned from the cruise we made it official.  We have been together ever since!  We started dating November 29, 1994.

 

I graduated from Tulane in May of 1996.  I was living at home with my parents and working full time.  Lance was also working and going back to LSU.  We bought a house in Gonzales in November 1998.  Lance moved in until we were FINALLY married on February 12, 1999.  I had just turned 27 and Lance was 28 (almost 29). We still live in the same house 14 years later.  We thought we would live here for 5 years!!!  We are blessed to have a $700/month house note which is hard to leave behind:)  But we are ready to move.  Hopefully it will happen in the next 6 months.

 

Lance started his own business in 2004 right around the same time that I quit my job at BCBSLA to stay home with Wyatt.  God has blessed us with steady business through these last 8 years.  Lance is such a hard worker.  He said he never really knew what he wanted to do until he started this business.  His dad also owned his own business, so I guess it was in Lance's blood.

 

Lance has had more than his share of heartache.  His dad passed away in August 2006.  His two cousins were killed in a traffic accident in April 2010.  We never anticipated anymore heartache.  I guess you think once you have been through a few tragic circumstances perhaps you are exempt.  But the greatest heartache came in July when our precious boy was diagnosed with cancer.  I have never loved Lance more than I have loved him during this crisis in our family.  He has been a rock for me when I can barely stand up.  And I have been that for him as well.  It seems when he is up I am down and vice versa.  The love and care that he has shown to Reid during the last almost 4 months has been so TREMENDOUS.  The tears that we have both shed must have filled up several bottles.  I won't lie and say it hasn't caused stress to our marriage.  It has caused great stress.  But he has loved me through the ROUGHEST TIMES I have ever faced.  And I have loved him even though it has been hard for me to do anything except focus on Reid.  They say that "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger", so our marriage should be as strong as possible after this trial.

 

 

I pray that we never take our focus off of the One who brought us together.  This trial with Reid, and the other trials that Lance has endured have caused us to question God.  I think that any normal person would have a TREMENDOUS amount of questions as to why these bad things happen to good people.  But we know that God is in Heaven.  We know that we will see his dad again in Heaven one day.  We know that he has loved on our 2 babies that we lost through miscarriage. I always picture Mr. Pat rocking them up in Heaven--he loved little babies.  I can't wait until we all meet again.  God didn't promise us that we would live an easy life on this Earth.  For some reason our years together have contained more trials than some people ever endure.  But I pray that we glorify God in our hurting.  I pray that God heals our boy wholly and completely and that our family will tell of His great works until we all go to our eternal home in Heaven.

 

I don't tell him often enough how much I love him.  I always assume he knows.  So, this is my attempt to write it down for him and for our kids to have in black and white.  I love Lance more than life itself.  He and I go together like peas and carrots.  He makes me laugh on a daily basis, and I aggravate the snot out of him because I am not a neat-freak like he is.  But he knows he loves me despite my imperfections.  And I love all of his imperfections as well.  I am so happy that 18 years ago I realized that I was in love with Lance Kiger.  I have loved him every day since.  Through the ups and downs of this crazy life, he is the "one whom my soul loves".

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joy and Sorrow

This picture was taken about 2 weeks before Reid's eye started swelling.
PURE JOY!!!

Reid was born to us after 6 years of trying to have a second child.  No doctor could ever find anything wrong with me or Lance.  So, it was "unexplained infertility".  We did a couple of things to try to help the process along, but finally I decided that if God wanted us to have another baby, then it would happen.  5 months later I was pregnant with Reid.  I also had 2 miscarriages while waiting for our miracle.

I was so joyful when Reid was born.  I knew that he was the promise of God to us fulfilled--in the flesh--to hold onto and love.  I NEVER thought that ANYTHING would ever happen to Reid.  If God answered so many people's prayers, then surely he was the PROMISED CHILD.  There hasn't been a day since he was born on March 23, 2009 that I have NOT been filled with PURE joy at the sight of his face.  He is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen...other than Wyatt of course.  (Doesn't every parent say that about their kids?) He is also so sweet.  Even when March rolled around, and I started dreading the "trying 3's", he really never changed.  He is still the sweetest kid around.  And he is thoughtful and has impeccable manners for a 3 year old.  He was definitely God's gift to us in our "old age".

Reid also had some kind of little "swagger" about him that Wyatt never has had.  I guess because he has been around Wyatt who is 8 years old and all of Wyatt's friends, he just thought he was big and bad like them.  There has never been anything he didn't want to do with Wyatt and his buddies.  He loved going to all of Wyatt's soccer, flag football and baseball games, and he thought he could PLAY too.

Reid has a love for life and all things in it.  I sent him to Mother's Day Out when he was 18 months old.  I cried when I dropped him off because he still seemed like such a baby.  They called me a couple of hours later and said, "Reid acts like he has been here FOREVER!  He is having the best time." So for the last 2 years he has gone to "school" 2 days a week at Crosspoint, and he has loved every second.  In August, when Wyatt started back to school, he asked me when he was going to school.  LITERALLY BROKE MY HEART.

As I said earlier, I NEVER thought anything would happen to Reid.  I constantly worried about Wyatt.  Wyatt had ear infections galore as a baby up until about 2 1/2.  He had his tonsils out at 4 due to strep throat that enlarged his tonsils until they were touching.  Then at 5 or 6 he started having MIGRAINES!  What child has migraines?  So, of course, I thought he had a brain tumor.  Thankfully, the migraines have subsided. Reid was my healthy baby.  He has had 2 ear infections in 3 1/2 years.  He has had strep throat once.  NEVER SICK!  So, when we found out that he had what every parent dreads the most to hear, I SIMPLY COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!  Not Reid. No way, no how.  He is a baby.  He is only 3.

Our original diagnosis would have involved chemo and radiation only.  The "new" diagnosis of spindle cell sarcoma involves surgery, chemo and radiation.  I have told so many people that knowing what I know now, if we only had to do chemo and radiation, I would be shouting Hallelujah!

Tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m., my precious boy will have a surgery which will remove his eye and everything in its orbit.  They will be removing all muscles, all tissue, and his beautiful eye.  Everything that could possibly harbor one of these HORRIBLE cells has to be removed.  Believe me when I say that we have STORMED Heaven for a different answer.  We even got a second opinion from Sloan Kettering in New York City.

I have never felt such SORROW in my whole life as I have felt over these last 3 months.  It's something that cannot be described.  I know that God knit him together in my womb, and that he is "fearfully and wonderfully" made.  I can't tell you how many times I prayed for health for Reid even before he was conceived.  Because of my "advanced maternal age", I knew that the risks of Down's and other things increased after 35.  I begged God to give us a healthy baby.  Because I was 36, my OB/GYN sent me to Maternal/Fetal Medicine at Woman's to have a very detailed ultrasound.  When the doctor told us that he was PERFECT, I was filled with JOY like no other.  I was so thankful to God for answering our prayers for another baby and a perfectly healthy one at that.  I have often talked with people about how thankful I am to have healthy kids.  I never took the gift of my kids or their health for granted.  So, God's plan was to bless us with a healthy baby.  I know that God does not give kids cancer.  The Bible says that Satan is the prince of this world. (John 12:31)  John 10:10 says that "the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy."  When we are at St. Jude, and I see all of these kids with cancer, it seems like Satan is winning.  But God has a plan that we can't see.  I won't lie and say that I haven't been FURIOUS at God!  I AM FURIOUS!!!  I can't believe that my beautiful, innocent baby will lose part of himself tomorrow that can never be replaced.  I know that he will always be beautiful to Lance and me.  But my heart breaks for him for the world that we live in and how critical people are of "differences".  I pray that somehow, someway God will get the glory in all of this. We can't see it now.  All we can see is our beautiful boy who will forever be changed tomorrow because of this dreaded disease. And we have asked a thousand Why's.

We have been blessed beyond measure with our friends.  When we came home from St. Jude 2 months ago, there were gift cards totalling in the $1,000's that had been collected from our church Sunday School class as well as others.  We have had countless meals prepared and brought to us.  And finally this week 2 of my precious friends organized a prayer calendar that was filled up in less than 24 hours.  People are praying for us around the clock.  Even in the middle of the night.  I am in awe of this!  It has held us up this week.

Today has been a good day.  Reid has been so happy.  It breaks my heart to know what tomorrow holds.  A mom that I have met here told me that she always thinks of the hymn Because He Lives when she is feeling down.  So, "because He lives, I can face tomorrow....because He lives, all fear is gone....because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives."

Somehow I truly believe we will get through tomorrow and many other hard days to come.  My prayer is that this will not change my precious boy's self-confidence or sweet spirit.  Please pray that along with me.  My sister sent me a verse that her friend sent to her today.  I told my sister that she wouldn't believe how many people have sent me the same verse.  "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you in terror, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.  I will hold you up with My victorious right hand."  Isaiah 41:10  May God get the glory through Reid and his story!  We thank you for your prayers for us tomorrow and in the many long days to come!